Apologies from a Mediocre Missionary

Mount Baldy“We are so proud of the work you are doing!”  “You guys are amazing!”  “The people of Egbe must be so blessed by you!”  These are statements we have recieved from supporters, friends, and family; and do not get me wrong such statements are flattering and lovely to hear.  They in fact help to encourage us, sustain us, and make us feel unforgotten!  However, I think too often we fall way, way short of such praise.

Last week I sat at our CARE Africa Discipleship Group listening to the kids sing, shout, and dance proudly to song after song.  I myself sat there tired, worn out,  and struggling to even stay awake. Guilty for feeling this way and praying…”God, grant me the strength, the energy, to just get me through the next two hours.”  I wish I could tell you this is the first time I have felt this way over the past sixteen months.  We sure would love to claim ourselves to be some sort of mystical missionary super heroes who never tire and always remain happy!  However, I must ransom the fact we are far from amazing or spectacular, but instead at times weak and weary.  So, I say…

Sorry, for sometimes dreading morning devotions or church because I just want to sleep in.

Sorry, I am lost in this prayer, my mind is wondering, I don’t understand anything you are saying.

Sorry, for looking and worrying about the future instead of living for now.

Sorry, for sometimes being a pretty bad wife.

Sorry, for being short with everyone, but I am just too homesick today.

Sorry, for locking my door, closing the curtains, and pretending we are not home.

Sorry, for sometimes focusing to much on the task, and losing sight of YOU LORD.

Sorry, for getting frustrated with the culture just because it is different to me.

Sorry, for sometimes doubting your plan God and asking, “Are you still here?”

My flesh is far from perfect, but I rejoice…I am flawless through Him!  Each day, because the SON has risen, I am granted a new chance and a new opportunity to start again.  Living in hope that this day I will be a little less mediocre.