Apologies from a Mediocre Missionary

Mount Baldy“We are so proud of the work you are doing!”  “You guys are amazing!”  “The people of Egbe must be so blessed by you!”  These are statements we have recieved from supporters, friends, and family; and do not get me wrong such statements are flattering and lovely to hear.  They in fact help to encourage us, sustain us, and make us feel unforgotten!  However, I think too often we fall way, way short of such praise.

Last week I sat at our CARE Africa Discipleship Group listening to the kids sing, shout, and dance proudly to song after song.  I myself sat there tired, worn out,  and struggling to even stay awake. Guilty for feeling this way and praying…”God, grant me the strength, the energy, to just get me through the next two hours.”  I wish I could tell you this is the first time I have felt this way over the past sixteen months.  We sure would love to claim ourselves to be some sort of mystical missionary super heroes who never tire and always remain happy!  However, I must ransom the fact we are far from amazing or spectacular, but instead at times weak and weary.  So, I say…

Sorry, for sometimes dreading morning devotions or church because I just want to sleep in.

Sorry, I am lost in this prayer, my mind is wondering, I don’t understand anything you are saying.

Sorry, for looking and worrying about the future instead of living for now.

Sorry, for sometimes being a pretty bad wife.

Sorry, for being short with everyone, but I am just too homesick today.

Sorry, for locking my door, closing the curtains, and pretending we are not home.

Sorry, for sometimes focusing to much on the task, and losing sight of YOU LORD.

Sorry, for getting frustrated with the culture just because it is different to me.

Sorry, for sometimes doubting your plan God and asking, “Are you still here?”

My flesh is far from perfect, but I rejoice…I am flawless through Him!  Each day, because the SON has risen, I am granted a new chance and a new opportunity to start again.  Living in hope that this day I will be a little less mediocre.

 

10 thoughts on “Apologies from a Mediocre Missionary

  1. You are a superstar Missionairies to our family! At our debrief they asked us what one of our highlights had been over the past two years and we said “The Riddles”. We would not have made it in EGBE without you guys!

  2. Just being there makes you a hero because you made the choice. God is not giving you more then you can handle. Think you have forgotten how elementary kids wear you out! Haven’t prayed for you enough lately so upping my prayer game!

  3. Thanks for sharing with transparency…it reminded me of the times of struggle during my journeys when serving on the field. Cross cultural missions is exhausting…and exhilarating…and sometimes frustrating…and sometimes boring. We thank you for sharing your adventures with honesty to us. It helps us sharing the experience and keeps us united in the spirit and in prayer.

  4. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 3:5, 6, 12:9

    Sending much love and prayers to you both! Meg & Dick

  5. I understand your thoughts and feelings completely. I will be praying for you. It is good to know that we are exactly where God wants us though!

  6. I love the truth and honesty behind this post….God’s journey is never easy but knowing he is behind us every minute is comforting….we must not forget we are human and that emotions are real….If you didn’t have these “real” feelings then this journey would be more like summer camp instead of doing his work! I love you and can not wait to see you!

  7. Thinking of you both during this Thanksgiving and we thank God for your bravery and courageous strength in the lives you are living every day. We think of you often.

  8. Glad you are able to visit home for awhile. JC Grose class continues to keep you in our prayers. Happy Thanksgiving! We have appreciated the blogs for keeping us up on your time in Egbe.

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